Jonah Hex: Or Why I Don't Write for a living

Jonah Hex has always been one of my favorite DC characters, so imagine my surprise when I learn that a major motion picture is about to be made!

Then I see said film.



So, assuming I was in Hollywood, what would I have done?

Jonah Hex has had some great stories, but they are typically short and they tend to jump around his life a fair amount. I figure why not do it as an anthology?

Story 1: "Death and the Smell of Gunsmoke"

A stranger rides into Red Rock, Texas 1871. A young man sees the stranger and angrily calls him a traitor and murderer. He draws down on the stranger, but only succeeds in knocking him from his horse. The rider tumbles down into a ditch as we flashback.

1861, Christmas Day

Jonah Hex and Jeb Turnball are two Confederate troops visiting Jeb's father Quintin at the latter's massive plantation. Jeb gifts his father with an eagle topped cane he took from the battlefield.

As the family enjoys dinner, talk goes to the war. Jeb is confident and swears the Stars and Bars will fly over every Union city before next Christmas. Jonah is less confident, both in the outcome and the cause he finds himself in.

A slave revolt breaks out. Jonah ends up ending it by shooting the ringleader, but he's clearly shaken by it. Some time later, Jonah confronts Jeb and makes it clear he's finished. He leaves his friend and turns himself in at Fort Charlotte.

The camp commander has no issue with a rebel giving up, but he notices the mud from Jonah's boots has a certain color to it...leading him to guess where Hex's regiment is camping. He manages to capture them and lock them up.

Jonah is sorry, but notices the floorboards are rather loose in the stockade. He helps the men dig, but stands by his decision to stay out of the war. The only catch is the commander knew about the boards too and stationed men outside the camp with Gatling guns. Most of the troops are slaughtered, Jeb included, but some escape to the countryside.

Back in the present, Jonah comes to. The youth is still waiting. He demands Jonah fill his hand. Jonah obliges but is apparently gunned down before half a dozen of the townsfolk. The youth rides off to spread the news. Jonah's body is wheeled out to the cemetery, where he gets up.

The town doc and gravedigger tell him his plan was insane, but Jonah needed people to think him dead. He's got some scores to settle and he's heading home to do it.