Wednesday, November 16, 2016

The Hills Have Eyes Part II, or why I don't write for a living

I'll get around to Wes Craven's underwhelming follow up to the classic the Hills Have Eyes later, but for now I'd like to discuss what if I happened to be hanging out with Mr. Craven circa 1984.


It's been a few years since the Carter family encountered the group of cannibals out in the desert. The family has moved on as best they could. Younger son Bobby has married Ruby, now going by Rachael and they are expecting their first child.

"How did you two meet?"

"You don't want to know."

Bobby's job has taken them to a new development city deep in mountains. Brand new subdivisions, newly paved streets, shiny stop signs the whole works. The town doesn't have many people, but with the factory setting up the place will be overflowing with people within a few months. Yup, everything is coming up Carter. Pity that the in-laws are coming to visit.

Papa Jupiter is stone dead, as is Mars. Mercury is alive, albeit with two shattered legs. Pluto survived his mauling. Whispers a bit now, but he's still got what it takes. Mercury gets around thanks to Ripper, the baby of the family. Ruby is a bit in the dark about him, as she was told he died in childbirth along with her mother. The truth is the last child came in at thirty pounds even, ripping his way out of his mother. Papa Jupiter tried bashing his head in with a rock and leaving him buried in a mineshaft, but that just made him meaner than his pa.

The trio is looking their baby sister. With the town being so isolated, they figure they can slip in and have a proper family reunion and/or barbeque. Whatever comes first. They dispatch the local police easily enough. With a snowstorm blocking the roads, Bobby and Ruby have to defend their home against the in-laws from hell. Bobby is stronger than last time, but Ruby? Ruby has been planning for this day ever since she left the desert and she has made her home into the ultimate death trap.

From there think a hard R version of Home Alone, only with more cannibalism.

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