So, is this the worst movie ever? After watching it, I can safely say I've seen worse. I've also seen better.
So, what kind of film is Mortdecai? The titular character is Lord Charlie Mortdecai (Johnny Depp in a rather good impression of Terry-Thomas), a rouge, raconteur, and general upper class twit. The man knows his drink and art though, which he has managed to parley into a fairly lucrative career selling art on the black market.
This does have a drawback, though, as his most deal falls through in a spectacular way. Gangster Fang (Junix Inocian), currently buying a priceless vase for 3 million. Fang recalls his last transaction with Mortdecai however, in which the Englishman sold him a supposedly priceless artifact for three million when it was actually worth 1 million. So naturally Fang believes that Mortdecai owes him 2 million. Failing that he will also equally accept a finger or two as payment.
Mortdecai is saved from the butcher's block by his hyper competent and oversexed manservant Jock (Paul Bettany). Returning to England reveals the full extent of Mortdecai's problems. It seems the entire estate is about 8 million in debt and they have less than a week to pay or face foreclosure. Mortdecai's wife Johanna (Gwyneth Paltrow) is the more sensible of the two. Her gag reflex is also working overtime in the presence of Charlie's new mustache. This is a serious plot point.
Mortdecai is drawn into a murder case by his old rival Inspector Martland (Ewan McGregor). An art restorer is murdered and her last painting taken. Martland suspects terrorist Emil Strago (Jonny Pasvolsky), of the murder, but when Strago starts shooting at Mortdecai, it becomes clear that he's missing the painting too. So who has it and why are people willing to kill for it? Mortdecai and Jock have their work cut out for them to stay ahead of Russian art dealers and the tax man.
As I said before, I've seen worse. The story isn't terrible, although there there are so many double crosses going on you might need to take notes. Jeff Goldblum and Olivia Munn are largely wasted as the double dealing Krampfs. Seriously, they are in the film barely fifteen minutes total.
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