I hope everyone had a decent holiday, but as the dead slink back to their graves, I found another fixation. Having caught the '86 bomb Shanghai Surprise on one of the lower tier channels, I was inspired.
Walter Faraday (Malcolm McDowell) is the opium king of the Orient. Business is booming in Shanghai; literally, as the Japanese Army is invading. Reporter Willie Tuttle (Michael Palin) is freaking out, but Faraday isn't worried.
No sir, he has his fortune loaded into a series of coffins. With everything loaded, they flee the house before shelling takes it out. Faraday insists they take a detour to pick up China Doll (Michelle Yeoh), Faraday's mistress.
What they find is Captain Mei Gan. Officially a Chinese officer, Mei Gan seems more interested in the location of the Doll and Faraday's flowers. It seems Faraday and Gan were set up, as the Doll has split and left them high and dry, plus the coffins have been switched with actual coffins.
Faraday and Tuttle escape to the ocean, Gan having lost his hands to a tricked money belt. Faraday takes a bullet to the back and sinks below the water as Tuttle makes his getaway.
One year later
Father Burns (McDowell in latex) and Sister Gloria (Cynthia Rothrock) are missionaries in Shanghai, helping with the aftermath of the war. Burns has made it clear, however, that they are in dire need of morphine. If only they could find some high grade opium!
The answer to their prayers comes in the form of the naked man tossed into their wagon. Glen (Mark Hamill) is a American down on his luck. Seems he lost his last bit of bread gambling and can't pay the ship's captain for a ticket, so he's going to hold onto Glen's belongings and clothes. Judging from his eloquent swearing in Cantonese, Burns figures he'll be the perfect guide.
Thus, Glen and Gloria hit the road. Glen notices a tail, an oily fellow named Kronk (Eric Idle). Hoping into a nearby rickshaw, they order the driver (Jackie Chan) to beat feet. They have a wild chase through the streets of Shanghai, including disrupting a film and making the director (Terry Gilliam) quite angry. Kronk steals a Rolls Royce from the owner (Terry Jones), prompting their rickshaw driver to find his cousin, a cab driver (Yuen Biao) and soon both cars are racing wildly.
One high speed chase later, both cars are totaled, but Kronk swears he just wants to talk. Seems he works for Tuttle. They have a line for the coffins. All Glen has to do is seduce China Doll. He's eager, but she lives on a small and heavily fortified island. Glen reluctantly agrees, but gets kidnapped and tortured by Gan after he leaves. He did pick up a clue.
Going to a sanitarium and dealing with the head official (John Cleese), all they gets is supposed gibberish. Leaving, they get taken by Joe Go (Sammo Huang). Joe's a nut for all things American but he also likes money. He wants to find the flowers, but lets Glen go after he gives him his novelty tie.
A few more visits with China Doll reveal more to Glen. Basically she double crossed Faraday due to Gan's threats (he and Gan were partners before the war) and has been living in fear since. Gan finally launches his attack, forcing Doll and Gloria (who followed Glen) to team up and fight as Glen snags the map to the opium.
Doll buried the opium in a remote graveyard. Heading there, Burns attacks Tuttle and Kronk, revealing himself to be Faraday. Gan shows up as does Joe. Also a colonel (Graham Chapman), who is not having this silliness.
The opium gets blown up along with Gan, Faraday is left in the dust, the drivers end up with Doll and her army of Amazons, and Glen and Gloria head off back to the US of A.
No comments:
Post a Comment