Film flashback: Lady Terminator

Lady Terminator  (1988), dir. Jalil Jackson, 108 Sound Studio/Soraya Intercine Film PT  

Ludicrous; yeah, that’s about the only word that sums up this film. Any attempts at analysis are doomed from the start, but here’s a run down. Opening in the past, we see the Queen of the South Seas making love to a mustached man. The touching scene is interrupted when she somehow brutally murders the man via her vagina.

Another man arrives almost at once and makes love to the queen, he however survives. The Queen’s joy at his survival is short lived, as the man then demands (since they are married now somehow) that she stop killing men. He also pulls an eel out from between her thighs and turns it into a knife. The Queen, annoyed at this, leaves but not before swearing to come back and murder the man’s great granddaughter, leaving the man alive and presumably rich. The man is okay with this.

We jump to the present day. An anthropologist, not a lady she stresses, goes searching for the Queen of the South Seas. She finds her and gets possessed by her. Emerging naked from the shore, she kills two men via sex and steals their clothes. She takes over a hotel room (In the Philippines, it is considered good luck to have an extra room set aside for the Queen of the South Seas), then murders a security guard. She also takes the guard’s Uzi and apparently nine hundred million rounds of ammo. Why? Because the man’s great granddaughter is a singer who is giving a concert at local disco.

The possessed Queen shoots about five hundred people but misses the singer. This attracts the police and military, where the square-jawed American cop on the edge protects the singer and nobody else. He tries mind you, but he’s not very good at it.  

This is a film that almost defies a review. Whole scenes and dialogue are transplanted from James Cameron's earlier work, even when it makes no narrative sense. By the end of the movie, nearly every cop in the entire Philippines is dead and and so is almost every civilian. It gets so bad that our cop brings in some American buddies to help. Buddies armed with Panzers and mullets so magnificent I curse myself for not providing a picture. They are useless against the Queen, but the end comes from within for our titular slayer.      

“She mates…then she terminates”

Film flashback: Squirm

Squirm (1976), dir. Jeff Lieberman, American International Pictures

A thunderstorm ravages the small town of Fly Creek, located deep within the wilds of Georgia. Power lines are knocked down, roads flooded, and generally making everything a mess, including sending thousands of volts into the ground; an effect that seems to have stirred up the local worm population.

Into this mess walks Mick, literally, as the bus was unable to travel the flooded roads. Mick is in town to meet up Geri, a girl he met at an antique show some time ago. Geri’s sister Alma mocks her for her worry, while the girl’s mother Naomi slowly goes insane.

Finally making their way to town, Mick makes a big first impression of the other locals by ordering an egg cream (chocolate, milk, and soda water for those who don’t live in New York), but it seems something extra was added to his order: a giant worm.

The sheriff promptly straightens the mess, i.e. blames it all on Mick and threatens to lock him up. From there we met Roger, a local worm farmer who’s a bit off and has the hots for Geri. And then we spend a great deal of time padding. Bones are found, but the worms somehow hide the body and sheriff again refuses to believe Mick or Geri.

By the time we actually get to the worm uprising, far too much time has passed. The film goes in bits and spurts, but otherwise refuses to do anything. I would recommend only seeing this with Mike, Tom, and Crow. As a bonus, the MST3K episode has the short A Case of Spring Fever, which is far more disturbing than this film.

“This was the night of crawling terror!”

Dark Shadows recap/review 1

Having recently purchased a collection of Dark Shadow comics from the 1960’s, I’ve decided to take a critical eye towards the show that spawned it. The brainchild of producer Dan Curtis, the series made its debut in 1966. At first focusing on purely gothic standards, the series quickly embraced the supernatural with the introduction of vampire Barnabas Collins. That particular debut is still a way off, however, so let’s wind back the clock to the first episode.

“Episode 1.” Dark Shadows. ABC. Various stations. 27 June 1966.

We open with Victoria Winters onboard a train to the remote area of Collinsport, Maine. Through flashbacks we learn a little bit about her. To wit, she’s orphan from New York City and she is traveling to accept the job of governess to the Collins family. Also on board is a man named Burke Devlin, who stares intensely at everyone.

Getting off the train, Victoria goes through a greeting standard to most characters in a Universal horror film. She can find no taxi, and the locals do everything short of crossing themselves whenever she mentions the Collins family. Devlin is kind enough to give her a ride to the local inn, but he is rather insistent that she board the next train to New York. He refuses to say why, however, and grows angry at the innkeeper apparently recognizing him.

From there it’s more of the same. Victoria has dinner in the local diner, where the waitress Maggie Evens good naturally insults her, before pleading with her to leave town. Devlin, meanwhile, is meeting with a private eye at the local (and implied only) watering hole. He’s hired the man to gather information on the Collins family, and it’s through this we are given the run down. The family is old, rich, and extremely eccentric.

We are then introduced to two members of the Collins clan: Elizabeth Collins Stoddard and her brother Roger Collins. Elizabeth is the one who insists on a nanny for Roger’s son David, but Roger does everything short of mocking her to her face and decrying her ‘bringing in outsiders’. Roger seems to handle most of the money and the family’s business, while Elizabeth hasn’t left the sprawling Collins estate in over eighteen years.

We end with Victoria finally making her way to the dark old house and being welcomed inside by a grim Elizabeth.

As far as introductions go, you could do worse. Curtis does hit the viewer over the head with how the Collins family is hiding something, but the performances of the actors are muted. An effect which works, as if everyone chewed the scenery this would easily turn into a comedy. As it stands, and this might have been effective in 1966, we are shown a creepy house and a few slightly less creepy interiors. We are told, however, of mysterious and strange goings-on. Although if the residents don’t want people to investigate, why do they constantly bring up staying away from various points, then refuse to explain why they brought it up in the first place?

Questions raised: Why exactly is Victoria hired? Who is Devlin and does he actually hail from Collinsport?

Film flashback: Zombie

Zombie (1979), dir. Lucio Fulci, Variety Film Production

A backlit man shoots a bound figure in the head. A derelict boat sails into New York City. The harbor patrol, upon reaching it, makes a grisly discovery. The ship is abandoned and rotting with spoiled food and severed limbs. One officer makes a horrific discovery in the form of a large undead man who promptly kills the officer. After the other policeman shoots the shambling creature over the side, a formal investigation gets underway.

The daughter of the boat’s owner, Anne (Tisa Farrow) is called in. Along with a reporter (Ian McCulloch), Anne goes to the tropical island of Matool to try and discover her father’s fate. With a vacationing couple in tow, the group goes to find the island. Susan, the girlfriend of Brian (ship’s captain) decides to take some underwater shots, but while scuba diving, encounters a zombie. Saved by a shark, the group is decidedly unnerved when they arrive at the island. Meeting Dr. Menard (Richard Johnson), they are told of the dead coming back to life. Things get worse from there.

Better known as Zombi 2, Zombi or even Zombie Flesh Eaters, this 1979 film was made most infamous for being put on the ‘Video Nasty’ list, and for good reason. The most gruesome shot involves the doctor’s wife as her eye is slowly pierced by a wood shard. There doesn’t seem to be any real reason for the dead coming back to life, although voodoo is mentioned a few times.

Compare to Fulci’s later work, this film is almost a marvel in self-restraint. At first a rip off of Dawn of the Dead, Fulci only explains so much and leaves the rest to the viewer. For this kind of story, it works. We know as much as the characters, who more or less behave realistically even when they fail spot check after spot check.  

“We are going to eat you!”

Animation Block: Exo-Squad

by: Jesse Baruffi

In Western animation, most shows are episodic. This is logical, because the target audience is kids, who aren't exactly known for their ability to keep up with long, intricate plots. Hence, there were very few sagas that require paying attention to them from beginning to end. Even shows I quite enjoy and have mentioned here, like Mighty Max and Conan the Adventurer (which I like even more than Dave does) have a meta-plot that pops up sometimes, but most of the episodes have a small core cast and are perfectly easy to follow one to the next. This brings me to Exo-Squad, which has none of that. It is a 52-episode saga, with an ongoing story, a large cast, and a definitive beginning, middle, and ending. It was ballsy to make such a show, but the result was something unique and enjoyable.

Exo-Squad is a series that takes place in the 22nd century, after humanity has colonized Venus and Mars. Through genetic engineering, humanity has also created a servant race called Neo-Sapiens, who are stronger, tougher, and more intelligent than humans. Naturally, treating a race with all these advantages as slaves led to an uprising, and though it was put down, the Neo-Sapiens were eventually granted their independence, though were still generally treated as second-class citizens. The military of the core worlds, known as Exo-Fleet, keep the peace, and use personal mechs called E-Frames (you guessed it, the toys!). It is neither a particularly optimistic or pessimistic future, with a fair share of good and bad traits.

This all changes when the majority of Exo-Fleet is called away on a grand mission to wipe out pirate clans who live in the outer worlds of the solar system. Phaeton, governor of the Neo-Sapiens on Mars, using ships and E-Frames he had been building in secret, stages a massive coup and conquers Earth and Venus. Phaeton and his generals reduce humans to slaves as payback for their mistreatment. Exo-Fleet, marooned in space and facing three planets with entrenched Neo-Sapien armadas, are forced to find a way to retake their homeworlds.

The point of view from which we see this is Able Squad, a group of E-Frame pilots often sent on the most dangerous and important missions of the war. The entire squad is fleshed out and filled with likeable characters, including their leader J.T. Marsh, a philosopher and strategist, and Marsala, a Neo-Sapien who is highly conflicted about fighting his own people, but loyal to his human friends nonetheless. The war was said by the creators to have been modeled on World War II, and we follow the moves and countermoves of Exo-Fleet and the Neo-Sapien Order from beginning to end. Despite being a cartoon, Exo-Squad portrays war realistically, and people die quite frequently. The show deals with themes of war, loss, and prejudice in a way that is not ham-handed. While we want the humans to win, it is easy to sympathize with the Neo-Sapiens, who were horribly mistreated and harbor understandable resentment. Indeed, while Phaeton and most of his inner circle are ruthless and power-hungry, not all the Neo-Sapiens, perhaps not even most, are evil. Phaeton himself is a fascinating character. He is charismatic and brilliant, and probably would have been easy to like before he became a supreme dictator. As time goes on, his sanity wanes and he becomes extremely paranoid and irrational. It seems likely the series creators based him on Hitler, and perhaps other dictators of similar stature.

The series had a few small missteps, particularly when new breeds of Neo-Sapiens began to appear. The Neo-Warriors were inexplicably immune to blaster fire, which makes one wonder why they didn't build ships, E-Frames, or at the very least armor out of the material used for their skin, and why this immunity seemed to vanish later on in the war. There is also the sad fact that the series ended with an apparent presumption that there would be another season, and as such, a massive cliffhanger. Much to my chagrin at least, that season never came, and what was to come will likely never be known.

Still, for all that, Exo-Squad is an amazing series, with lots of combat, strategy, characterization, science fiction, humor, and thought-provoking drama. The first 13 episodes are available on DVD, but sadly, the rest does not seem to be. Luckily, the show is available in its entirety on Hulu, so if you've never seen this underrated classic, go there and watch it now!

Show Status

Good news!

At this point, we have recorded four episodes, which will begin airing on Non-Productive Radio after the station's November hiatus ends. We have had several exciting guests and many fun discussions, all of which you will soon be privy to. On top of this, David and I have secured many more great guests for the upcoming weeks, and we intend to keep the blog rolling with as much strange and exciting content as we can. For the possibly two-digit number of fans out there, keep reading and keep listening!

Film flashback: Anguish

Anguish (1988), dir. Bigas Luna, Luna Films

An overweight man (Michael Lerner) is driven to madness by his overbearing mother (Zelda Rubenstein). Acting at her whim, he goes to a movie theater and unleashes his plot. He must have eyes you see, and he isn’t picky on how he gets them.

Except that is just a story. A film entitled The Mommy, to be exact. To two people watching in the theater, however, it is more than just a film. To Patty, the film is far more horrifying than the people in the theater realize, as Patty sees actions in the film being acted out in the theater. To an unnamed man, the film is a blueprint, telling him exactly what to do. With his .357 at the ready, the nameless man is going to turn the theater into a real horror show.

This is a real trip of a film. As one audience member quipped, “I had no idea David Lynch and Jess Franco made a movie together.” The Mommy scenes and Anguish blend together in such a way that it is very easy to confuse the two. Surreal and violent, this is a film that constantly plays with your senses. Indeed, the VHS was tagged with a warning on how the film could hypnotize the viewer. Worth a glance if you find it.

The eyes of the city are mine